Zeusblog

I see that Stephen Hester, the RBS Bank Chief Executive at the centre of the row about huge bankers’ bonuses has declined his bonus of almost £1million after succumbing to political pressure. Ed Miliband is being given the credit, but I wonder whether Stephen Hester had seen this visual representation of the situation that I saw on the excellent boingboing.net. This really is a case of a picture painting a thousand words…

We’ve recently come across three new words which we think you might like to add to your vocabulary too.

First up: Bioprene
I was made aware of this word when discussing why my skinnier friend had felt the cold more than my well-padded self during a recent aquathon on Hampstead Heath. I had worn a surfing rash vest which I felt had helped, and were discussing whether you could use a wetsuit in the event. I also slapped my belly and said, “you need a bit more of this” and he replied, “Yes, bioprene would help”. I really like the idea of my blubber being natural neoprene rather than just fat.

Second: Hoodrats
Leona Lewis in the Guardian, discussing the riots in Hackney, referred to the feral yobs who had gone on the rampage there as hoodrats. So much more accurate than the usual ‘hoodies’.

Thirdly: Whipcash
This morning in Pinner, Julia saw the aftermath of one car bumping into the back of another at low speed. The driver of the car in front obviously decided that this was an opportunity too good to miss and made a massive fuss about everything, refusing to move her car from the middle of the road and calling for the police and an ambulance. Two community police officers, one paramedic vehicle, two police cars and an ambulance rushed to the scene. After an extensive examination, the woman’s non-existent condition was summed up by the paramedic in one beautifully descriptive word: “whipcash”.

Having recently worked with a neuro-occupational-therapist on her website and discussing how many of her clients have suffered head injuries while cycling, I always wear a helmet when I’m cycling, but I am constantly surprised at how many people don’t. She sent us this video the other day, and I thought that if I had a bike shop, and I put this clip on my website that I’d sell shedloads of bike helmets.

See what you think…

Right now there’s a man in a bank with (possibly) a bomb strapped to him in Watford. The bank is surrounded by armed police. BBC news story is here. What caught our eye was that the police are keeping local residents informed via twitter and facebook. What’s more the hashtag they are using on twitter is #watfordbomb. You really couldn’t make it up…

EDIT Apparently he’s just been arrested.

We’ve agreed to disagree over the Royal Wedding.

Julia loves a good cry at weddings and so all the fuss over the Royal Wedding is just fine with her. She’d like to recommend this link to our dear readers.

Chalky is pretending it isn’t happening, and as far as he is concerned the bank holiday is in honour of his own wedding anniversary, which happens to fall on the same day. He’d like to suggest this link to you.

We are both in agreement though that a Bank Holiday is a very good idea.

This Friday’s Euromillions lottery jackpot is £36million. So I bought a ticket last Saturday, not because I think I’m going to win (because I know, in reality, I’m not), but because it’s like renting a really great daydream for the £2 I paid for my ticket. For less than 30p a day, I get to fantasise about new cars, holiday homes, and charitable projects that could make the world a better place. I could dream about all those things without paying £2 of course, but the daydream would be more short-lived, at least by buying a ticket there is a very, very small chance that I could actually win. And when I do think “Oh I’m not going to win” then there’s the UK £1million raffle number on the ticket to set me off all over again, although on a reduced budget. Anyway, must finish now as I’ve got to choose the colour of my new helicopter.

I see EUFA are banning Vuvuzelas from their matches as they feel it might spoil people’s enjoyment of the games. I totally agree with them, but why stop at annoying plastic trumpets? There are plenty of other things that spoil my enjoyment of the beautiful game that should all be banned forthwith. Like the annoying really loud music (usually some kind of power ballad) they play at the end of cup finals which drown out the fans just as effectively as vuvuzelas – it’s almost like they think we don’t know how to celebrate (as a Villa fan I am forgetting what it’s like to celebrate a big win, but that’s another matter). ITV commentators and pundits. The ridiculous hype surrounding the England team. The England team itself – surely club comes before country? Fans who don’t like you criticising your own overpaid stars. Overpaid stars. Overpaid journeymen footballers. Footballers with no sense of loyalty or pride in their shirt. Footballers who aren’t honest about why they are moving club – they never say it’s for the money. Football agents. Orange WAGs. Greedy clubs pricing proper fans out of the game. Greedy clubs ripping off their supporters by constantly changing their overpriced kit. The terrible food they serve these days inside grounds (what happened to good old fashioned terrible food like pies and bovril?). The price of terrible food inside grounds. People who leave before the game is finished. The word ‘soccer’. The idea that we should have to give £750 million to football projects around the world in order to host the world cup – if it’s not coming here because this is the home of football and we already have great infrastructure, the best league and the best fans, then we don’t want it. The inevitable spurious estimate of how much the World Cup would be worth to the country. Oh yes, and David Cameron being a Villa fan.

There’s been a lot of speculation recently as to whether the g-spot actually exists. And although it sounds like the sort of research drunken scientists would dream about getting funding for, some scientists did (forgive the pun) look into this subject, and they concluded that it doesn’t. Lots of women (and their partners) said it did.

So who’s right? I decided there was only one way to find out. That’s right – with my iPhone.

I looked up g-spot on maps, and it does exist! As you can see, it’s just off the Strand, opposite Charing Cross Station. 

When I was at school, we had an english teacher, Mr. Patrick, who is memorable to me for three things.

1. “Bah! Cut the cackle!” was how he got us to be quiet.

2. He used to set us the task of copying out  a page of text. If we made a mistake, we had to start again from the beginning. This was a very frustrating task for us, as the more you wrote correctly, the more tense you would become about making mistakes, and so the more likely you were to make one. It was great for him though, allowing him to sit and read instead of having to try and get through to us troublesome schoolboys.

3. He used the Readers Digest “It pays to increase your word power” tests in class. These were 20 words, each with three possible definitions. It was a great way to improve your vocabulary.

Another great way to improve your vocabulary is to read anything by Will Self. I used to get annoyed by his use of obscure words, but now find the need to have a dictionary alongside amusing. This morning I was reading his book ‘Liver’ on the tube. Obviously I had no dictionary to hand, so I noted down some words that I needed to look up when I got into the office. At the risk of ridicule (I am a copywriter, so I should know loads of words) I’m listing them below. All nine were on just two pages of ‘Liver’. See how many you know. 

i. Moloch
ii. Gehenna
iii. jejeune
iv. dropsical
v. chthonic
vi. porphyritic
vii. necrotic
viii. lubricious
ix. frowsty

Answers tomorrow.

So they’ve redesigned the pedestrian crossing at Oxford Circus.

Apparently, it’s based on street crossings in Japan. According to a Westminster Councillor “Taking our inspiration from the Far East makes perfect sense as the Japanese have perfected the art of managing large numbers of people through good design and engineering.” 

And that’s not all…

“This new crossing, which will transform Oxford Circus and ensure visitors who emerge from the Tube are impressed by what greets them, is part of a whole series of improvements taking place to ensure the West End looks truly world class in time for 2012.”

Our office is round the corner, so I went to see it.

Hmmm. Looks like some different coloured tarmac to me.

But the really puzzling thing is how some tarmac and a few extra traffic lights cost £5million.

£5million. Yes, that’s what I wrote. £5million – that’s what they said it cost.

I think I’m in the wrong business…